Forbidden History
by Misha
Summary: She tried to forget there was ever at time when he wasn't her brother.


Forbidden History  
By Misha

Disclaimer- I don't own anything to do with "Veronica Mars", I really wish I did, but I don't. It belongs to Rob Thomas and the UPN. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue me.

Author's Notes- This is a very weird, twisted short story. It's an AU in which Veronica **is** Jake's daughter and she found out shortly after Lilly died. This is actually set in the future though, about ten years after Lilly's murder. Lots of things are different, but most of them don't really come up, or if they do only in passing. But Logan never hated Veronica, Shelley's party never happened and Aaron was never caught. I'm not sure that last thing really matters to the story, but I thought I'd add it none the less. Anyway, as I said this is just short and twisted, warning this does mention incest, though not an actual sexual sense, but in an emotional sense. I told you it was twisted. That's all, enjoy!

Summery- She tried to forget there was ever at time when he wasn't her brother.

Parings- Duncan/Veronica, Leo/Veronica, some Duncan/Meg, Logan/Veronica.

Rating- PG-13

* * *

Spoilers- Everything and nothing. I'll say the first season, to be safe, but this is pretty AU, so...

It was the Neptune social event of the year.

Duncan Kane was getting married. It was a big, formal affair. Just what one would expect for the Kane son and heir.

As Duncan said his vows and promised to love and cherish Meg Manning for the rest of his life, one bridesmaid fought hard not to flinch.

Veronica wondered for the millionth time why she was doing this, standing up for Meg and Duncan as a bridesmaid.

But she knew the answer, it was because it was expected of her. After all, she was the groom's sister, it made sense for her to be a bridesmaid, especially since Meg was her friend.

Of course, the situation was much more complicated than that. She and Duncan might be brother and sister, but there was too much history for that news to ever be comfortable.

Even now, she had a hard time thinking of Duncan as her _brother_. She'd known the truth for almost ten years now, but she still couldn't convince herself that her feelings for Duncan were only sisterly.

After all, he had also been her first love.

It felt so wrong to even think that, but it was true. She had once loved Duncan with a depth and passion that had nothing to do with sibling affection and it made her nauseous even thinking about those days.

Sometimes she hated her mother, well usually she hated her mother, but for many different reasons, and Jake Kane, she would never think of him as her father even if she had accepted him in that role, for allowing things to happen as they had. If only she and Duncan had known from the start, then things would be easier.

For one thing, they'd be able to be alone in the same room for more than a minute or two without getting distinctly uncomfortable. For another thing, she'd be able to look at her brother without remembering what it was like to be in his arms.

_"I can't believe you didn't tell me about this." Veronica told Duncan at her sixteenth birthday party, which was being held at the Kane mansion._

_"Lilly threatened me with pains of death." Duncan told her, kissing her neck. "Besides, we wanted it to be a surprise."_

_"It was." Veronica told him with a giggle. She looked up at him. "But you know, you haven't given me my present yet?"_

_She had opened most of her presents already, but Duncan's had been conspicuously absent._

_"I didn't want to give it to you in front of every one." Duncan told her, taking a small wrapped box out of his pocket. He handed it to Veronica._

_She opened it and her eyes widened at the pretty heart-shaped locket._

_"It's beautiful." She breathed._

_"Not as beautiful as you." Duncan told her. "Open it."_

_She opened it and saw a picture of the two of them. Then she turned over it and read the inscription._

_**To Veronica,  
You'll always have my heart.  
Love Forever,  
Duncan**_

_"That's so sweet." She whispered, leaning up to kiss Duncan._

_Duncan just smiled and fastened the locket around her neck._

_"It's true." Duncan whispered. "As long as you wear this, you'll be wearing my heart."_

_Her heart melted at his tender words._

_"I'll never take it off." Veronica promised him, as their lips met in another sweet kiss._

Of course, she had broken that promise.

The locket was in the bottom of one of her drawers, hidden away from human sight. She should have gotten rid of it, she knows that. After all, who keeps a declaration of love from their _brother_, but she couldn't.

That locket reminded her of better times, of better things. She and Duncan had been in love once and she couldn't forget that, no matter how much she tried to.

She wondered if Duncan was still haunted by the same thoughts or if he had wiped those moments from his memory completely.

She didn't know. She and Duncan avoided talking about the past, perhaps it was better that way. It was a little bit of an awkward subject, siblings who had once been in love.

Learning that Duncan was her brother was one of the devastating moments of her life, of course it had happened on the heals of everything else: Lilly's death, her dad losing his job, and her mom taking off...

Still, she'd never forget the day that Jake Kane had told her the truth...

_"Mr. Kane." Veronica said, shocked to see Lilly's father standing at their door._

_Jake Kane looked nervous and he had a manilla envelope in his hands. "Can I come in, Veronica?"_

_Veronica nodded and stepped aside. "My father's not here."_

_A funny expression crossed Jake's face._

_"That's okay." He said after a minute. "I'm here to talk to you."_

_"About what?" Veronica asked, she couldn't wrap her mind around what he'd want to talk to her about._

_"About this." Jake handed her the envelope. "I believe that it'll answer a lot of your questions, Veronica."_

_She took the envelope in her hands and opened it carefully. She read the documents inside in stunned disbelief and then raised her eyes to look at Jake. "Is this a joke?"_

_"No, joke, Veronica." Jake told her. "I'm your father."_

_She felt as if she had been hit with a sledge hammer._

_"How is it possible?" She whispered, refusing to believe what she was hearing. Keith Mars was her father, he **had** to be._

_"Your mother and I... We were in love in high school and then... Well, we messed up." Jake told her quietly. "The how doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm your father."_

That had been the moment her life had changed.

A part of Veronica wished that Jake had stayed silent and let her continue to believe the lies that had become truth.

But, she understood why he didn't. He had just lost one daughter and needed the other in his life and also, it was one thing to stand aside and let your former lover and her husband raise your child in a loving, comfortable home. It was another to watch her struggle for everything.

Jake had insisted on supporting her from that moment on, had even offered to have her come live with him and Celeste.

Veronica had flatly declined, she was staying with Keith Mars--he was her father in everyday that counted. But, the choice had been taken out of her hands. Just a week after Jake had told her the truth, her father, she'd never think of him as anything else, had been killed in a car accident.

Jake had acknowledged her publically as his daughter about that time and she'd reluctantly gone to live with them, over Celeste's heated protests.

Veronica had refused to take the name Kane, even if Mars was a lie. But it hadn't mattered for long, a month after she graduated from high school, almost three years after Jake had changed her life and Keith Mars had lost his, she took another name.

If Mars wasn't really hers and Kane would never fit, then she'd be Veronica D'Amato.

Now, as she stood in the church, she found her husband, Leo, and smiled warmly at him. She loved him. Not as she once loved Duncan, like a part of her **still** loved Duncan, not that she'd ever admit it.

But she loved Leo all the same. He'd been a rock in her life.

She'd met him when he'd arrested for a speeding ticket--a few months after her father died. He was the first guy she'd been seriously attracted to since learning her boyfriend was her brother and when he'd flirted with her and asked her out, she'd said yes.

It had progressed from there.

_Veronica stood in Leo's apartment after. She'd talked him into being her date for a school dance, he'd been surprisingly agreeable about it, which was just another of the things about him that she found adorable._

_Now, the dance was over and they were alone together._

_She'd lied to Jake and Celeste about her whereabouts, not that she really cared if they caught her. Something she had found out in the past year, you only cared about breaking the rules if you cared about the person you made the rules. She didn't really care if she disappointed Jake or Celeste, so it didn't bother her to break their rules the way it had bothered her to break her father's rules..._

_"Hey, what are you thinking?" Leo asked, running a hand up the side of her face. She smiled._

_"Boring, mundane thoughts. Nothing important." She told him, pushing thoughts of her father and the Kanes out of her mind. This night wasn't about them. It was about her and Leo._

_Leo nodded, accepting her words._

_"Are you sure, you don't want me to take you home?" He asked her quietly. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck._

_"I'm sure."_

_And she was. She was at Leo's because she wanted to be. Six months was long enough for her to know that this was what she wanted._

_Leo nodded and then he leaned down and kissed her. It was a deep, intense kiss, different than the others they'd shared. Maybe, because they both knew where this one was going to lead..._

Losing her virginity to Leo had been an easy choice. It had been the right moment, she had known that.

Still, some part of, buried deep down, had remembered that she'd always planned on it being Duncan. Of course, in the end, it was a good thing that it **wasn't** Duncan after all. God, that definitely would have been bad.

But, even though she had been at peace with her decision to sleep with Leo, things got rocky for a while. She'd ended up breaking up with him and having a fling with Logan, of all people.

Veronica always smiled when she thought of that very brief interlude.

A fling was all it was, she and Logan had never been meant to be.

Hell even when he'd been pressing her up against the stalls of the girl's bathroom, she'd thought of him as Lilly's boyfriend. It had kind of shown why they'd never end up together. That and the fact that she had thought of Duncan even as she'd been kissing Logan. It had never happened with Leo, she'd never slipped and thought of her brother instead.

But with Logan... Maybe because he represented the period of innocence in her life. When Lilly was alive and she and Duncan were in love and Keith Mars was the only father she knew.

Of course, that time had been a lie. Keith was never her father and she should never have loved Duncan, but Veronica still thought of that as the happiest time of her life. Years later, she thought that was why the fling with Logan had happened, because she'd wanted to recapture that happier time.

Well, it hadn't worked, not at all...

_"Duncan." Veronica moaned softly._

_Logan pulled away in a start. "Duncan?" He asked in an incredulous whisper. "Did you just call me **Duncan**?" _

_Veronica didn't know what to say._

_"I didn't--Not purposely--" She began, but the look on Logan's face stopped her._

_"Veronica, he's your **brother**!" Logan exclaimed._

_"I **know** that." Veronica told him. "But... I don't know what possessed me..."_

_"I'll say." Logan said, shaking his head. "How often do you think about him like that?"_

_"Not very." Veronica said, and it wasn't really a lie. "Just lately."_

_"Since you and I hooked up." Logan stated flatly._

_"Yeah." Veronica admitted. "Logan, it's not..."_

_"It's weird for me too." Logan told her. "I mean, you were Lilly's best friend and the four of us..."_

_"I know." Veronica whispered._

_"But, seriously, Veronica, you have to push Duncan out of your mind." Logan told her. "You have to forget that you guys ever..."_

_"Don't you think I've tried?" Veronica asked. "I mean, why would I even **want** to remember that I once dated my **brother**? Yet, I can't seem to forget. I just wish I could."_

Logan was the only person she'd ever told about her lingering feelings for Duncan. She doubted she would have even told him if it hadn't been for her calling out the wrong name.

They'd broken up, if you could call it that given that they'd never really dated in the first place, soon after that. It had just been too weird.

Still, they'd stayed friends, and Logan became the person Veronica confided in. But only to an extent, even Logan didn't know that she still thought of Duncan and what used to be.

He thought that she'd worked past that years ago and it was better that way. It was easier to hide it away inside of her, after all it was wrong and tainted.

So, she and Logan had parted ways and she'd gone back to Leo.

Basically, she'd begged him to take her back, admitting that she'd been a fool to let him get away and for some reason, he gave her a second chance. Then, he'd proposed the day she'd graduated from high school.

She'd said yes for many reasons. Because it would give her a new identity, one that would fit as Veronica Mars no longer did and Veronica Kane never would.

Because she really did love him.

Because when she was with him, she never thought of Duncan.

Because so much of her life had been a lie and this was real and honest.

Because, it was the escape she needed to get away from a house that would never be hers, a father she'd never be able to call "dad", and a brother who's presence she'd never be able to relax in...

_"You're home late." Duncan commented the night of their high school graduation._

_Veronica was surprised to see him up, it was four in the morning after all. But she'd run into him in the kitchen, she'd just wanted a drink of water before going to bed._

_"It's graduation." Veronica commented lightly. "I'm surprised you're home, you didn't go to a graduation party?"_

_There had been several planned, including a big one at Maddison Sinclair's, but Veronica had begged off to be with Leo. He'd had more quiet, intimate plans, which was understandable since he was both a deputy in the sheriff's department and almost three month three years older than Veronica and her classmates._

_"I did, but I left early." Duncan told her. "Meg had to get home." _

_Veronica nodded. She didn't know what to say, but that was hardly a new occurrence. She'd lived with Duncan for almost two years and it was still awkward between them, especially on the rare occasions they were alone._

_Which they both made sure was almost never._

_She raised her hand to brush her hair out of her face._

_Duncan's eyes widened and he grabbed her hand. She flinched at the contact, but he didn't seem to notice._

_"That's new." He commented quietly, referring to the ring Leo had slipped on her finger that evening._

_"Actually, it's old, it was his grandmother's." She said lightly._

_"You know what I meant." Duncan told her._

_"So you and Leo?" Veronica nodded. "Yeah, soon, hopefully, I don't want a big wedding. I just want to be his wife."_

_"You mean, you just want a reason to get out of this house." Duncan corrected._

_Veronica looked at him in surprise._

_He smiled faintly. "You didn't think I noticed? You've never been happy here."_

_"It's not my home, not really." She told him. "I guess I've just never adjusted... It's hard to learn that you're whole life was a lie."_

_"Yeah." Duncan said softly, his eyes distant, soft. "Do you ever think about what might have been if it hadn't been a lie?"_

_Veronica froze, knowing what he meant._

_She paused, unsure of what to say. She looked in Duncan's eyes and saw things she'd rather not have._

_Sometimes, she had wondered if Duncan had succeeded where she'd failed and managed to block out all the memories they'd shared, before... Now, she knew the answer was no._

_It was on the tip of her tongue to admit the truth, when something stopped her. Some little voice that reminded her that this was one of those things that was better off in the dark. No good came from admitting to incestuous thoughts about your brother, even in a situation as odd as theirs._

_"No." She lied after a long moment. "I don't. There's no point, after all."_

_Duncan nodded, disappointment flickering across his face briefly, then smiled ruefully. "You're right, of course. We can't change what happened."_

_"No, we can't." She agreed quietly. "And thinking about what might have been will only drive you crazy."_

_Duncan nodded again. "Yeah." He said softly, then he shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. "Congratulations, Veronica, I know you and Leo will be very happy."_

She and Duncan had never spoken about that night. Not that there was anything to speak of. Really, it had been an innocent conversation, except for all the things buried under the surface.

That was always the problem.

That was the only time in the ten years since she'd known the truth about her paternity that she and Duncan had ever even come close to talking about the past.

It was easier when they didn't.

Besides, they'd never had much of a chance, after that. She'd married Leo a month later and though she saw a lot of Duncan and Meg, it was only natural, after all, she and Duncan had never been alone for more than a minute. Something Veronica was sure that they both preferred.

Still, because of that night, she knew that there had been a time, at least, when Duncan had been as conflicted as she. She didn't know if he still was, she didn't want to know.

Knowledge wasn't power, not in this case. It was just pain.

Veronica forced her thoughts from the past and focused on Duncan, her brother, and his bride.

She played with the folds of her pink bridesmaid gowns, how ironic that Meg had chosen for her to wear what had once been Duncan's favourite colour for on her, and listened to the words being said.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride."

Veronica averted her eyes from the kissing couple and instead looked for own husband, sharing a warm smile with him.

So Duncan was married, so what? So was she.

She shook her head, at her own foolish thoughts.

Whatever once was, whatever could have been didn't matter. The present was what it was.

Duncan was her brother and it was better to forget that there was ever a time when he wasn't.

- The End


End file.
